


No Where Left to Run

by hawkeofkirkwall



Category: Star Wars - All Media Types, Star Wars Episode VII: The Force Awakens (2015)
Genre: F/M, First Order AU, Pregnancy, Senator!Rey, Unplanned Pregnancy
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-01-10
Updated: 2016-03-08
Packaged: 2018-05-12 23:51:09
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death
Chapters: 8
Words: 17,193
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5686396
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/hawkeofkirkwall/pseuds/hawkeofkirkwall
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>AU in which Rey ends up joining the First Order, and rules alongside Kylo Ren as they continue the Empire's legacy together. From the moment they met, Rey knew she was different, and Kylo Ren knew they were connected. Along the way, they both learn new skills, new truths, and the inevitable happens between two people who understand they can find what they're looking for in each other.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

_**F** inn sucked in his breath_ just as the ship came to a whirring halt. He gazed out at nothing at first, concentrating on his thoughts rather than his surroundings. Despite knowing all she had done, what she become, Finn was nervous to see her again. All these years, he had thought of what he would say to her once he saw her again, sleeplessly coming up with scenarios and replies to every situation, but even that didn’t remove the pressure from his chest.

 

A gentle hand lowered itself onto his shoulder and gave a light squeeze. He turned to find the General softly smiling down at him, aware of his feelings. Leia leaned into his chair and looked out at their destination. At Rey’s destination. 

 

”Everything will be alright,” Leia assured as she nodded her head.”I have a good feeling about this.”  

 

The new planet the First Order had made their home seemed perfectly normal from the outside. It was a mass complexity of dense jungle, wild beasts, and maze-like rivers. Finn had hardly found a spot to land, and even then, he had toppled down some trees.

 

Wiping some perspiration from his forehead, he stood up. “We should go.” 

 

Leia nodded once and walked over to a rack where their weapons were waiting. Finn grabbed his rifle, but couldn’t help but wonder if he was going to actually _use_  it. His hand instinctively brushed against the lightsaber given to him, _Rey’s_  lightsaber. He had told himself he was holding onto it for when she would return. It was never his. 

 

Outside of the ship, Leia had already assembled the five different squads for a quick briefing. She was walking around a map of the planet, pointing to specific areas and explaining to each squad leader what they were supposed to do. Finn watched silently, waiting for her to finish and trying his hardest to actually concentrate on her words rather than his worries. At the end of the last explanation, Leia looked around and waited for any questions. When there were none, she nodded. 

 

“For the Resistance,” she said just before everyone dispersed to carry out her orders.

 

Finn watched everyone leave. This was it.

 

“Are you ready?” she asked.

 

Finn nodded. “General, you don’t have to…”

 

Leia shook her head defiantly and grabbed his shoulder once more. “If Rey is here, then that means so is Ben. He would not leave her alone. I have to see my son, Finn. I have to end this once and for all.” 

 

And who was Finn to argue with a mourning mother? He nodded in understanding and began to walk in the direction of the entrance.

 

The underground base of the First Order had been infiltrated already only hours before by Resistance agents, and then bombarded by Republic forces. After the destruction of the Hosnian system, and with it, the host of the Senate, the First Order was finally recognized as a galactic threat. However, with the destruction of the Senate, a direct response to the First Order had to wait for new members to be elected, a Chancellor to be assigned, and then for the new Senate to approve of the declaration of war. It had taken years, and until then, the Resistance had served as the only barrier between the galaxy and the First Order. But once everything was in order, the Republic had retaliated with all their strength and had left First Order with no choice but to surrender or perish.

 

According to reports, Rey was being held hostage. There were guards posted inside and outside of her room. But the strange thing was…she was not fighting back. She never did. As for Kylo…or… _Ben_ , he had not been reported leaving the base, but neither was he under capture. Yet Leia was so confident that if Rey was moved elsewhere, he would follow.

 

Republic and Resistance forces had secured the base fairly quickly. Handfuls of stormtroopers and officers were on their knees, bounded and escorted onto ships for proper judgement by the Senate. One Resistance solider appeared to Finn and Leia, extending his arms in greetings and smiling. He came to escort them deeper inside the large door that used to be a cargo ship exit.

 

Poe slapped Finn’s back, smiling at him like no one ever did, and turned to address Leia. “General, it’s good to see you again.”

 

“Likewise, Dameron,” she replied with a light smile. “Where are we going?” 

 

The pilot gestured towards an elevator. “Down, to the domestic levels where all the barracks are.” He chuckled. “The First Order does _not_  mess around when it comes to interior design.”

 

They entered the elevator and Poe punched in the location that they were heading down to. Then, stepping back he crossed his arms and waited as the elevator took them deeper and deeper into the base. Finn could not wait a second longer for answers, otherwise he felt he would burst.  

 

“Have you seen Rey?” Finn asked, his voice sounding a little too desperate. 

 

Poe’s demeanor changed at the mention of Rey. His usual smirk turned flat, and his eyebrows slightly furrowed. “I have.” 

 

Finn noticed the change of mood, as did Leia, and they both looked to Dameron for answers. Just as the elevator came to a stop and opened, Poe was the first one out and gestured at his friends to follow. 

 

“I think it’s better if you see for yourselves,” was all he said in response to Rey.

 

The reports were not kidding when they said that Rey was being heavily guarded. Ten heavy-armored soldiers stood at the door. They all saluted Leia as she came into view and she nodded at them respectfully in return. 

 

Poe stopped Finn from entering, his face still the worried knot it had been in the elevator. “Finn…when you see her…try to keep it together.” 

 

A flutter of anxiety shook Finn at Poe’s words, but he took them gratefully and gingerly followed Leia inside. She was standing only feet away from the entrance and looked around at the six other men standing at the door. 

 

“Leave us,” she ordered. 

 

The soldiers, and Finn, looked at her in shock. 

 

“But, G-General,” one protested. 

 

Leia shook her head. “You heard me.”

 

The guards filed out of the room, and Leia didn’t turn until the door had closed and locked. Finn looked around at the room they had entered and understood what Poe had been talking about. It looked like an entire new area, no longer cold steel and metal, but a comfortable apartment in Courscant. That room in particular was enormous; it looked like a common living area, equipped with tables, plush seating, and even a small fountain. Sitting quietly in front of the flowing water was a small figure. 

 

She looked ready to leave, as she wore her black cloak which surrounded her body entirely. Her head was bowed and her palms were resting on her thighs. Her hair had grown considerably since Finn last saw her at Starkiller Base, and now hung in soft waves around her face.

 

When she recognized Leia’s voice, her head rose slowly, but she did not turn around. 

 

Finn swallowed the lump in his throat before calling out to her. “R-rey…?” 

 

“So, you’re finally here,” Rey said softly, with a tinge of bitterness. Finn immediately noticed the physical change of her voice; no longer eager and youthful, but low and authoritative.

 

Leia put her arms behind her back and straightened as she watched Rey slowly stand up. She seemed to struggle and slightly leaned to one side, as if there was a great weight on her shoulders holding her down. Then, the General let out a shaky sigh, which sounded like a mixture of sympathy and irritation. 

 

“Where’s Ben?” Leia asked. 

 

“Ben?” Rey repeated slowly, her voice slightly cracking. “I was about to ask you the same thing.” 

 

“You’re saying you _don’t_  know where he went?” Leia replied, anger now slipping into her tone. “I find that hard to believe, Rey.”

 

Rey let out a dry laugh. “So do I.” She paused for a moment and bowed her head again slowly while wrapping her arms around herself. Then, she said in a quiet voice, “I can’t feel him anymore. He’s gone.”

 

“ _Where_ ,” Leia pressed on. 

 

“I _don’t know_ ,” Rey responded, now with more life and anger in her voice. She sniffed and shook her head weakly. “I don’t know…”

 

Finn noticed then how fragile she sounded. How fragile she _looked_. Rey still hadn’t turned to face them, but by the look of her posture and the sound of her voice, he knew that something was wrong. Incredibly wrong. Perhaps it was the Force that let him know, or perhaps it was his own intuition. Either way, it cause him to confront her about it. 

 

“Rey,” he called softly. “Why won’t you turn around?”

 

There was a long pause.

 

“Ben is the father, isn’t he?” Leia suddenly said. 

 

Finn’s eyes widened as it all made sense. Poe’s reaction. Rey’s struggle to stand, her look of exhaustion, the reason why Ben would not leave her side.

 

A sob escaped Rey’s lips then and she covered her mouth with her hand. Finn walked over to her, his fear vanishing as his need for assurance of her condition overpowered him. He turned her, and just as Leia had predicted, Rey was very much with child. Finn let go of her, as if the very touch of her flesh burned his fingers.

 

Leia’s face softened with empathy. She drew in breath, but stopped the words from coming out of her mouth, then she turned again and only said:

 

“I’m so sorry.”


	2. Chapter 2

_**R** ey looked up_ as the door opened. Finn had returned with two cups of caf and handed one to her. She looked at it for a moment, staring at her reflection in the dark liquid, and accepted the porcelain cup. Finn sat down next to her, noticing that she had no interest in it. Or…anything, really. 

 

It was so strange seeing her like this, dressed now in only a white dress and a blanket draped over her shoulders. Remnants of her makeup had faded away, leaving her eyelids dark and smudged. She had been crying. Her hair had grown so long, reaching down to her shoulder blades. But the strangest part about this… _new_ Rey…was her swollen belly. It still shocked Finn whenever he saw her.

 

It had been almost two months since she was captured. Kylo Ren continued to be nowhere in sight, and Rey was almost due. They had relocated back to the Senate, which had been permanently reestablished on Coruscant. Rey was still under heavy lockdown, despite her compliance, but was allowed her own privacy and rooms. Only Finn and Leia could visit regularly and without major scanning by the security standing outside. He visited as often as he could, hoping that one day Rey would finally tell him everything.

 

But now, Finn understood that she would not initiate the conversation, so he took it upon himself to finally ask.

 

“Okay,” he said, letting out a tired sigh. “Start from the beginning, please.”

 

“What?”

 

“Tell me everything. Since the moment we escaped Starkiller base.” He looked at her sternly. “Tell me why you disappeared and reappeared as the First Order’s second commander.”

 

Rey stared in his direction, but her eyes were looking past him. Past his face, past the reality of their present.

 

_Five years._

 

That was the extent of their “reign”, as Kylo would sometimes say. She would smile at the memories if they didn’t hurt so much.

 

Rey mused that she could tell Finn about the parties and the network of contacts, friends, and enemies she had created; or the collection of dresses and jewelry Kylo had gifted her. She could tell him about how thrilling it felt to be standing next to Kylo and General Hux in front of the massive crimson First Order flag and watching the legions of stormtroopers hail the organization they devoted their lives to. She could tell him every single detail about Kylo _and_ Ben, from the taste of his mouth to the specifications of his helmet.

 

She would tell him of the dark side _and_ of the light side; of balance, the _true_ balance that she and Kylo had mastered and that was completely misunderstood for the dark side. She would tell him of building her first lightsaber, and her training under Snoke.

 

Training that Luke Skywalker had denied her.

 

“Luke never accepted the lightsaber,” she began.

* * *

 

Rey stepped off the Falcon still unable to shake off the disappointment and ire of her rejection. She didn’t explain to Chewbacca why she had returned so quickly. Not yet. She couldn’t even make sense of it herself, so explaining it to someone else was out of the question. Fortunately, Chewbacca knew Luke, and he also knew how to put two and two together and get four. He didn’t ask questions until halfway into the flight back to the Resistance, he pointed out that their oxygen supply was running low.

 

She mutely agreed to land at the nearest spaceport.

 

Although she had been told to wait inside, she couldn’t. She needed to _breathe_ , anything to rid her of the growing anger inside of her. It was a mixture of disappointment and anger at herself for ever believing that she could finally find what she was looking for in Luke. Yet he had brushed her off so quickly, denying her a place in the massive universe they lived in.

 

Rey managed to find the sky, but due to the metropolitan planet they had landed on, there was no comfort of silence. Not to mention the air smelled like urine and oil.  


For the first time, Rey missed the quietness of Jakku and the endless desert she was used to trekking. Now, she was surrounded by people, _so many people_ , tall buildings, neon lights and responsibilities other than scavenging. Her life on Jakku seemed less difficult after all that had happened.

 

She closed her eyes, trying to block out the noise, the smell, and her thoughts. Her breathing wouldn’t cooperate and came out jagged and unstable. But after a long moment of focus, the knots in her mind began to untangle, slowly, until it left a smooth surface. Her breathing slowed and evened, until it was the only thing she could hear.  


A momentary feeling of absolute _bliss_. 

 

Then she felt it. She felt _everything_ and it was _beautiful._ She could see the light coming from her own hands and the luminescent smoke-like trails that surrounded the skies, the air, and those around her. It felt like putting your ear against someone’s chest and feeling their heartbeat, but this was no human heartbeat. She felt the universe’s pulse. She felt the Force.

 

_Don’t be afraid, I feel it too._

 

She gasped and opened her eyes as something else reached out from the extents of the Force. It was the same feeling that she felt around Kylo in the interrogation room, a magnetic pull that concentrated on her conscious. Except it wasn’t violent or painful, like Kylo made it feel when he searched for the map, it was an indicator given to Rey by the Force that told her… “ _this one_ ”.

 

Then she knew that he was alive. She felt it. She felt _him_. 

 

Rey shut down the connection, earning a feeling of whiplash and then a hammering headache. She backed away from the rail and accidentally bumped into someone else. Excusing herself quickly, she began to hurry back to the Falcon as if it were her only safe house.

 

Chewbacca made a recognizing sound in her direction when he saw her speed-walk by. He trailed behind her, orchestrating sounds to ask if she was alright. Rey just shook her head and boarded the Falcon.

 

She locked herself in the bunks, unable to breathe correctly. Her mind was spinning as the magnetic pull only intensified. When she couldn’t take it anymore, she banged the wall and yelled, “Get out my head!”

 

The pull abruptly stopped, leaving her body trembling and her lip quivering. One last message, loud and clear as if he were right there with her.

 

 _You could learn to control this._  


A pause.  


_I’m not doing it to hurt you. Let me help._

 

Rey slid down the wall and rested her head against her knees as she tried to steady her breath. The pull had subsided, and left a soundless static buzzing in her mind. Yet she could still feel him, even from across the hundreds of systems. Letting out a bitter laugh, she unhooked the lightsaber from her belt and threw it on top of one of the beds. 

 

Her hands were shaking. 

 

In shock? In panic? No, _in anger_. The connection opened once more, and she felt his satisfaction; he didn’t have to say anything to rub it in, to say “I told you so.”  


And then it made sense. Finding Luke resulted in rejection because the path of light was not what the Force wanted her to find. Rey could never become a Jedi.

 

 _Fine_ , she replied. _Come find me_.


	3. Chapter 3

_**C** hewbacca had dropped off_ Rey with the Resistance and left fairly quickly afterwards, claiming he had some “errands” to do. She couldn’t really read a wookie’s facial expressions, but something told her it was something much more personal than an “errand”. Leia caught up with Rey fairly quickly afterwards and they discussed what had happened with Luke over lunch.

 

“He’s being stubborn,” Leia muttered and shook her head. “I think you scared him, Rey. He thought he was free, but then there you were, offering back all of that pain and responsibility of being the last Jedi alive. Luke knows that the Force will find a way. He’ll be back.”

 

Afterwards, Rey understood Luke’s fear of returning. He was a human after all, Jedi training or not. Losing an entire order, one that was supposed to be his and his father’s legacy, was ruined. She had put herself in Luke’s shoes, and found that she would have likely done the same as he did.

 

Leia said she was confident that he would come around eventually. All they needed was “patience”. But Rey saw the twinge of disappointment on Leia’s face as she spoke. Leia had been counting on Luke too.

 

On her way back to her own temporary quarters, Rey couldn’t help but look around at the organization that had successfully incapacitated an organization as large as the First Order and find herself in awe. She watched the pilots climb down from their X-Wings, the diplomats walking rapidly past her, dress in robes and jewelry worth all the rations on Jakku and more, and then at last, the single person who brought it all together: General Leia.

 

Maybe, she thought, maybe there was a place in the universe for her after all. The exchange she had had with Kylo Ren was surely impulsive, something that resulted out of her fear and anger. Now she was starting to fear that he would come after her, if he wasn’t already on his way. But then, she thought about the Force, the lightsaber still in her possession, and the fact that there was no one around to tell her what to do with it. She could likely learn the basics on her own; pushing, pulling, and the sorts. Everything physical. But there was more to the Force, much more, being the powerful entity that it was, and Rey had no idea how to unlock it. The only ones with that knowledge now, apart from Luke Skywalker, was Snoke and Kylo.

 

Rey had visited Finn, who was still inside his bacta tank when she had returned. They were alone in the bacta chamber room, and for a moment she considered sitting down and talking to him with the hopes that somehow, he would listen. Finn grew up in the First Order, after all. He knew how it worked and why they were even created. He would be able to give her a perspective on what joining Kylo would mean.

 

Unfortunately, Finn was still in the process of healing. Kylo had cut through Finn’s back pretty intensely, but thankfully, never reached his spine. So with a sympathetic smile, and a press of her palm against his tank, Rey departed.

 

About a week later, Leia came to find Rey once more. She had just returned from an off-world meeting and was still dressed in her formal attire. The General didn’t waste one minute on finding Rey, and just as she had suspected, found the girl messing around with some broken droids.

 

Looking up from her work, Rey was startled with the General’s sudden presence and tried cleaning herself up, aware that she had oil stains all over her face. Leia didn’t care. In fact she found it a little endearing and commented that she was used to Han coming home looking like that. Rey sadly smiled at the comparison.

 

“I have a surprise for you,” Leia said in a calm voice.

 

Standing up, Rey’s mind exploded with possibilities. _Was Finn awake? Did Luke arrive_? She followed Leia back outside, slowing down her steps so that she could walk at the princess’s pace. They arrived at a locked door connected to one of the lesser-used hangars, and Leia kept her hand just above the lock.

 

Leia turned to Rey and asked, “Ready?”

 

Rey nodded and her heart pounded as Leia opened the door. A choked laugh escaped Rey, because sitting before them was a YTX-1000 Heavy Freighter. reflecting their beaming faces off its silver, metallic coat. She was a little rough around the edges, but to Rey she was beautiful, almost as awe-inspiring as the Falcon.

 

“It was Han’s,” Leia said, with a twinge of sadness in her voice. “He used it since the Millennium Falcon was missing, and it served him well. Now, we have no use for it, but…you may.”

 

Rey’s heart fell at the mention that it belonged to Han. and she wanted to reject everything. “General, I can’t…”

 

The princess gave a stern shake of her head. “Don’t fight me, Rey. I want you to have it. Han would have wanted you to have it,” she hesitated, and then smiled. “Maybe.”

 

 _He would have disappointed you_ , Kylo’s words echoed in her mind.

 

Rey pushed back the memory as she stepped into the freighter, Leia following closely behind. It was closely decorated much like the Millennium Falcon was, but it looked more refined. The seats were made of a smooth, black leather, and the  controls were neat and didn’t have wires sticking out became of the loss of panelling. Han had added his own touch to some places, and even some of his clothes were still hanging from the barrack’s closets. Leia took them down gently, as if they would disintegrate if she was too rough with it. She pulled up one jacket, and cleared her throat. Raising her head up and blinking a few times, Leia led them out of the barracks.

 

“Han modified it to try and mimic the Falcon,” she explained, her voice strained. “But it can never replace the real thing. The Empress will get you out of sticky situations, nevertheless. I’m sure it saved Han’s backside more than once.” Leia smiled and then laid a heavy hand on Rey’s shoulder. “It is up to you to decide now where you’ll let this take you.”

 

Rey swallowed, and for a moment, wondered if Leia knew of her inner conflict. If she read Rey’s mind, she hoped Leia also knew that this gift had caused Rey to dig her fingers into the foundation of the Resistance and allow a couple of roots to grow.

 

“You know,” Leia said, slowly walking over to Rey. She pushed Rey’s hair up in a certain way, and looked at her with a weird face, as if trying to see through something. “You’d make the Senate tremble before you with that look.”

 

“What?”

 

“Those eyes of yours are like hooks to the soul, Rey. Filled with fire, and yet soft and inviting. I think I’ve only known one other person with a stare like that,” Leia explained.

 

“Who?”

 

“My mother.”

 

There was a heavy silence between them for a moment, but as always, Leia broke it. “It makes me wonder what sort of potential you’d have speaking for the Resistance,” she winked at Rey, her lips coming up into a grin. “I’ll leave you to it, Rey.” she said before Rey could ask any questions, and with a wave, Leia descended from the Empress.

 

Rey spent days inside the Empress as she got used to the mechanics and fixed some minor damages. She tried to avoid imagining Han walking about; she tried avoid thinking about Han, period. It always brought on a series of doubts and questions, towards herself,  towards Leia, and even Kylo. Despite the fact she liked the decor he had placed in the Empress, she placed it all in a box for Leia to decide on what to do with it. Afterwards, Rey cleaned every corner, polished the floors, the doors and even the outside of the ship. She purposely threw herself into work as a form of therapy. It gave her something else to think about, a goal to reach that she knew she could accomplish by herself, and when the Empress was returned to her former glory; polished, waxed, wires replaced and systems recalibrated, Rey knew she had to make a choice.

 

Leia had hinted at Rey that she would have potential as a politician, and could serve as a sort of apprentice. Rey understood her intentions after they talked a few times after. Leia would bring up her birth planet Alderaan, and would tell Rey stories about her childhood and the beautiful homeland she now only remembered by memory. It sounded like a wonderful planet that was unrightfully destroyed by the Empire to make a cruel example of their power. Rey frowned as she compared Alderaan’s fate to that of the  Hosnian System, and thought bitterly at how it was the Empire’s descendant, the First Order, that caused history to repeat itself.

 

Since the General no longer had anyone to keep up political terms on behalf of Alderaan, she implied to take Rey as an option, should no other Alderaanian be up for the position. However, Leia, as the last surviving royal family member (other than Ben), had the first say in who to name her successor. Rey was honored and intimidated by the consideration of taking up the position.  Politics was a subject she knew nothing about, apart from a few names and how the Republic functioned, but Leia was so sure that Rey would make an exceptional student.

 

It would mean a place in the Universe after all, an important place albeit the amount of Senators, but Rey wasn’t sure of anything anymore. Turning into _just_ a politician felt like a waste of her own potential.

 

What about the Force?

 

She was sitting in the cockpit, alone, with nothing but the mechanical hum of the ship to give her advice. Rey was starting to look at Leia as something more than a General, and she feared what that might mean in the future. She had been offered an incredible opportunity: an apprenticeship, a place at the side of one of the Galaxy’s most legendary generals, and at last, a life that would no longer require solitude.

 

So why did it feel so wrong to say yes?

 

One of the engines softly whirred as it cooled down and she concentrated on a blinking light on the control panel. Her mind went blank for a moment and then… a flutter in Rey’s mind came to her attention; a strange sort of buzzing feeling.

 

 _Rey_ , a low, throaty voice called.


	4. Chapter 4

 

 _ **R** ey stopped mid-sentence_ as the voice she had longed to hear thundered through her mind, so strong, and yet barely a whisper. She scrambled to her feet and, for the first time, headed towards the exit in a hurry. Finn chased after her, knowing exactly where her reaction had come from.

 

Instantly, Finn’s comlink came alive with Leia’s voice. “Finn, we need you here. _Now_.”

 

“Y-yes General, right away,” he responded, knowing very well Rey had heard.

 

She didn’t hesitate one moment to ask. Finn’s eyes widened as she kneeled before him, swallowing hard as she raised both hands in the air. Her eyes had turned glassy, her cheeks red and a pained expression transformed her face into one of absolute submission.

 

“Finn, _please_. I _need_ to see him.”

 

Finn didn’t know that many emotions could be pulled from within all at once. He was so close, _so close_ , to helping her stand, hugging her and leading her straight to… straight to _him_. But his duty was to the Resistance and the New Republic, and as much as he cared for Rey, she would not make him break his loyalty. He kneeled down to her level and gently put his hands on her shoulders, making sure he stared right in her eyes.

 

“Rey, I’m sorry. I will do everything I can, but for now, you must be patient and wait. It might not be safe,” he told her, trying to pour as much sympathy and compassion in his voice as he could so she would understand how hard it was for him to do this to her. Finn didn’t want Rey as an enemy, not again.

 

He stood up, his skin crawling as he realized she never stood from the ground. Rey’s gaze bore into the back of his head even after Finn was on the other side of the door.

* * *

 

Rey stopped the Empress in the gravitational rotation of Dorin. She saw that Kylo’s ship was there too, floating not too far from the Empress. 

 

The ship’s comm system started blinking.

 

She looked at him through her viewport and saw him lounging in his chair. The vague speck of white told her that he wasn’t wearing his mask, and somehow that was significantly comforting. It didn’t change the fact that she was about to willingly meet with perhaps the most evil person in the Galaxy, if not, at least the most evil person she had met besides Unkar Plutt. 

 

Rey took a shaky breath before she hovered her finger over the comm system’s button. She pressed it before she could start having doubts.

 

The signal burst to life with a soft static, but it stabilized itself quickly and Kylo Ren’s voice melted through the transmission not a moment too soon. “Rey.”

 

Rey’s breath grew panicked and shallow, but soft enough to hope that he didn’t hear. It was pointless, she soon learned, because if he hadn’t heard her, he had felt the fear. 

 

A soft chuckle came from his comm. “Don’t be afraid, I am not here to fight you, remember?”

 

“…I know,” she finally spoke as she remembered their previous conversation.

 

Kylo had contacted her through the Force, asking if she would be comfortable with a simple, mundane talk. 

 

No fighting, no lightsabers. Just talk.

 

He had offered neutral ground, where neither of them would have any advantage, and thanks to Rey’s dangerous curiosity, she had accepted.

 

So far, she observed, the Empress didn’t catch any hidden ships near him, nor did the Force inform her of a nearby danger…at least other than Ren. He had kept up his side of the bargain. Rey thought skeptically that if he had wanted to kill her or capture her, surely he’d have made a move by now.

 

“Let’s get this over with, then?”

 

“Yours or mine?” he asked, referring to their ships.

 

Rey considered the question for a long while, and finally decided, “Mine.”

 

In response, she heard Kylo’s chair creak as he stood up and his heavy footsteps softened as he walked towards some faraway controls. She set the Empress into idle mode as she watched Kylo swiftly near his ship towards her. Then she opened the docking ring and waited as Kylo engaged with the Empress’s airlock.

 

A sting of anxiety prickled at her stomach and her chest as she heard the soft hiss of the airlock decompressing. She was unable to move from her seat as flashes of their last meeting replayed in her mind: a last attempt by her conscience to make her change her mind.

 

It wasn’t too long ago since they had been on the edge of a cliff, saber to saber. She didn’t know how Kylo felt about that, but it would certainly put a dent in their relationship if Rey had any say in it.

 

Kylo stopped by the lounging chairs, in the living area. Rey saw his shadow through the hallway that connected the cockpit to where he stood, and for a moment, her mind screamed to protect herself. She palmed the area where the Skywalker saber was stored inside of the panel, and for a moment, considered grabbing it.

 

Just in case.

 

But she thought of how he hadn’t ignited his own, or had started to destroy her mainframe, or even made a move to come and murder her. Despite her logic telling her it wasn’t safe, something else told her it would be the best risk she’d take.

 

Slowly, she emerged from the cockpit. She crossed her arms over her chest as soon as she saw Ren, as if somehow that would make her any less vulnerable to him.

 

Kylo Ren was leaning against the sofas, with his arms crossed as well, and was duly studying the ship. When she came forward, his eyes locked with hers, and surprisingly, they had absolutely no edge. He half-grinned, causing the scar that ran across his face―the scar Rey had given him―to slightly fold; it was a light shade of pink flesh now, and not as red and fresh as it should be, likely the work of bacta. His dark locks framed his pale face, still silky smooth and perfectly styled despite his constant wear of a helmet. There were no ceremonial First Order robes this time, simply a black tunic.

 

Kylo Ren came as his “normal” self, not the patricidal warlord she had met.

 

He gestured towards the seats, asking permission with his eyes to sit. Rey swallowed and nodded, following his action and sitting across from him. He was about to speak as he settled, but then his gaze shot up to the paneling in the ceiling, and his eyes narrowed. Something had caught his attention, apparently, and he stood up to investigate.

 

Rey followed his gaze, up to a part of the wall near one of the lights. Kylo walked up to it, easily at eye level with it due to his height. He slid his palm across it, and stopped when he had felt something. Digging his fingers into the panel, he dislocated it and revealed a compartment with wiring. He removed a small chip that had a red blinking light, and 3 speaker holes.

 

“Yours?” he asked, showing her the recording device.

 

Rey’s eyes widened in genuine shock. She wondered if Han had had it for his own precautions or if Leia had installed it. Rey shook her head. 

 

“I would have never known that was there.”

 

Kylo studied her face for a moment, evaluating whether or not she was being honest. Then, raising his eyebrows in an unimpressed manner, he crushed the device in his palm and set the fragments on the table in front of them. He sat down again, folding his hands on his legs as he leaned back.

 

“I suppose I should thank you for agreeing to this so quickly,” he said. “I didn’t expect it,”

 

“I think we both know this meeting is long overdue,” she responded. “Ever since I―”

 

“I never validated that as your consent,” he said, waving his hand in the air. “You were incompetent, a moment where your emotions were driving you to make impulsive decisions, but not smart ones. We’ll get to that another time, but for now, I wanted to discuss something else.”

 

Rey waited for him to gather his thoughts.

 

“Everything has changed ever since you arrived, Rey,” he began, and Rey’s mouth instantly went dry. “The First Order is on edge, I’m sure the Resistance has plans for you as well, and I…I gave in.” Kylo looked at her momentarily, to read her expression, and continued. “Everything used to be so confusing, I didn’t know what to do with myself, I didn’t know how to prove that I wasn’t as chaotic as I felt…and then I met you.”

 

“I don’t understand what I’ve done to cause such a thing,” she replied.

 

“Think of it as a sort of game. The Resistance and the First Order had all their cards laid out, and then you joined, and suddenly they both have to reorganize their strategies to move around you.

“You’re powerful, as much as I am, if not more. When we first―dueled―your power infuriated me. I had just done something I deeply regret and I was in pain.” 

 

Rey recalled the way he had been pounding his wound.

 

“…but afterwards I understood what I had felt during our discussion in the interrogation room. I understood why I was so drawn to you,” he paused as her gave time to process everything he had just told her, and then dropped it on her. “You’re the perfect balance.”

 

Rey responded with a confused expression. “You’re talking about the Force. I’m the perfect balance of the Force?” she repeated, slightly laughing. “Don’t be silly, I’ve only hardly touched upon it.”

 

“That’s not how the Force works,” Kylo retorted as he shook his head irritably. “The Force chooses you, whether you have experience in it or not. I think we both know you were supposed to die against me, but you didn’t.”

 

Rey scowled at him. “Thanks for the vote of confidence.”

 

“I’m speaking in a literal sense, not to insult you. My point is that ever since I sensed that sort of power in you, a mostly Light being, it made me…reconsider.”

 

“Are you saying you’re turning away from the Dark?” she asked enthusiastically.

 

“No,” Kylo affirmed. “It’s always been a part of me, even as a child. What I’ve reconsidered is how I am going to use the Dark. I realized I’ve been in denial, repressing a side―the Light―that would make me complete. Another perfect balance of the force. I finally understand why Sno―”

 

“Wait,” Rey interrupted, waving her hands in the air. “Ren, why are you telling me this? _Me?_ Of all the people you could discuss this with, why did you come into the middle of space to tell an enemy that you suddenly had a change of heart? I could easily go back to the Resistance and report all this.”

 

“But you won’t,” Kylo stated. “You won’t because I know you feel it too. That moment you knocked me down, you had a decision, I felt the rage radiating from you. You could have killed me, you _should_ have killed me, like any sentient being would have. But you didn’t, because despite the fact you used the Dark and despite the fact you felt it calling to you, you still returned to the Light.”

 

“Because that was the right thing to do,” she responded.

 

Kylo nodded.

 

“Now put yourself in my perspective. From where I’m standing, this feels like the right thing to do.”

 

“You’re saying torturing and killing innocent people, destroying an entire planetary system and murdering your own father is the right thing to do?” she spat, offended that he would even try to justify himself to her. “You’re wrong, Kylo Ren. You’re lost.”

 

Ren stood up, visibly provoked. “Those I’ve tortured and killed were collateral damage for a greater purpose. I told you during the interrogation I did not want to hurt you. I went easy on you, despite what you did. I never agreed to destroying the Hosnian system, it wasn’t _my_ idea, it was the Supreme Leader’s and General Hux was the one who executed it. As for Han Solo…that is ― _was_ ―between him and I. If his death caused you any pain, then I apologize, but you should know it wasn’t easy for me to do either.” He breathed deeply, trying to calm his nerves. He spoke in a softer voice afterwards.

“Perhaps my actions will never be justified. Perhaps you’re right, I am a― _monster_. But I want you to know, that despite everything that will happen and everything I’ll do, I will never see you as an enemy, not anymore.

“One day, I’ll make you understand; I’ll show you what power feels like. Until then, I want you to know,” he kneeled down in front of her, his face gentle again. Kylo’s eyes studied her eyes and then, for a moment, flickered down to her lips until he returned his gaze back to hers. “I’ve never been as confident about something as I am of you.”

 

She was dumbstruck; by the proximity of their faces, by the minty smell of his breath and skin, by the words he had just spoken and by how he had spoken them. By the time Rey conjured up the ability to speak, she realized he was granting her no luxury of questions. 

 

Their time was over, at least for now.

 

Rey panicked. She didn’t want it to be over, not after what he had just told her. She searched for something to make him stay, _anything_  that would keep him talking.

To keep him here.

 

“Leia is going to take me as her political apprentice,” she blurted out quickly, just before he stepped off the Empress. “We’re going to Coruscant.”

 

Kylo slightly turned his head, processing in the information she had just confessed, and stalked away. The door slid closed behind him with a soft whir.

 

And there it was, their silent promise that it wasn’t over; that they would see more from each other. Rey had disclosed this information, as private as it was, to serve as the bridge that she refused to burn.

 

She found her heart beating rapidly as he quickly exited through the docking ring. Once again, their ships decompressed. A beeping from the cockpit called to her, announcing that she had to disengage the docking ring before flying.

 

Rey stared at the place where Kylo Ren once sat and felt an incomprehensible disappointment as she heard his ship make the jump into Hyperspace.

* * *

 

An excited laugh resonated through the plains of Dantooine as Finn saw Rey descending from the ramp. He ran towards her and nearly tackled her as she met him halfway. She looked at Finn with a broad grin, happy to finally have her friend back. But then she remembered what had happened in the past few days; Leia’s offer, and then her meeting with Kylo Ren revealing that Rey was some sort of Force messiah. Her smile faltered as she realized that Finn didn’t seem like he was going to be part of her future.

 

He noticed it and furrowed his eyebrows.

 

“What’s wrong?”

 

Rey shook her head, still keeping up a weak smile. She scratched her head as she walked towards the garrison with Finn at her side. 

 

“Nothing, it’s just been a while since I’ve had company. You get so used to be alone, and then you have friends…it’s not easy going back to be alone―”

 

“Finn!”

 

They both turned to look at the man in an orange jumpsuit that was jogging in their direction. Finn’s eyes immediately lit up and he ran towards the pilot with an even more hysterical laugh. They met in an embrace.

 

“What are you doing here?” she heard Finn say excitedly.

 

The pilot was explaining to Finn that he had been called by Leia for a short briefing for their future missions, and was stationed in Dantooine. They continued to talk enthusiastically until they reached Rey. The pilot turned to her with a charismatic smile.

 

“You must be Rey,” he said as he extended his hand to her. “Poe Dameron.”

 

Rey smiled politely at him as she shook his hand. She walked with them back inside, listening to Finn retell the story of how he and Poe met on the Finalizer. Rey only half paid attention, because as she watched her two new friends speak, she felt suddenly different.

 

They were meant to be heroes, Dameron certainly fit the criteria for becoming a legendary pilot, as well as Finn a legendary soldier. But Rey…Rey felt like an outcast, not because she had nothing to contribute, but because according to Kylo Ren, she was meant to be something much bigger than a legendary hero of the New Republic.

 

 _You’re the perfect balance_ , he had said.

 

During the time the trio had gotten lunch and reunited with a group of Resistance soldiers at the food court, Rey observed once more the Resistance garrison. 

 

She felt sick, almost, to be there and have this secret about herself. It was like she was lying to everyone there, and yet she had promised no loyalties to Kylo Ren. So why did it feel so bad to sit in their garrison, talk with their people and eat their food?

 

At a certain point, Rey had reached her limit and excused herself, saying she wanted to rest.

 

It wasn’t a lie, in a way. She really was tired, although not as much physically as mentally. All her afternoon had been spent in thought, going over her meeting with Kylo, and then trying to figure out what her future with Leia meant.

 

Rey had gotten tired of thinking and welcomed the sleep. For a while, she slept in blessed dreamlessness…until the Force kicked in.

 

> _In her dream, she saw Kylo Ren, most of all the others. She saw him murdering people, so many people._
> 
> _Rey realized she wasn’t in control; she was looking at herself from the outside._
> 
> _It was pouring; harsh winds whipped at her face and cold tendrils of water slid down her neck. They were on an ocean planet, standing on what looked like an island._
> 
> _This was the same dream Rey always had had on Jakku, she realized, but…this was different. It was no longer the serene and peaceful sanctuary she had longed for. Her purpose for being on that island had changed, but Rey couldn’t quite make sense of what that purpose was._
> 
> _Wearing a stylized sort of jumpsuit, with a curved neckline and a sewed-in train that dragged just a little around her heeled boots, Rey walked beside Kylo Ren with catlike grace. Her hair was no longer in her usual three buns, but rather in a simplistic yet elegant style that allowed her soaked hair to lightly flow in the wind._

> _Rey held something in her hand, a long metal bar, smooth and silver. She pressed one button, revealing a golden saber and its twin flashed out of the bottom end soon after._

When her eyes shot open, the first thing she saw was Finn’s worried face hovering worriedly over her own. She let out a small shriek and tumbled out of her bed. Finn let out a grunt as he accidentally hit his head on the wall, thanks to the narrowness of the beds the Resistance offered.

 

“What are you doing in here?” she cried.

 

“I wanted to check up on you,” he said, rubbing the back of his head. “I was worried something was wrong, and then I saw you were having a nightmare so I was

going to wake you up.”

 

Rey’s anger slowly melted away as she saw the small speck of blood Finn had left on the ceiling. She smiled at him as he extended his hand to help her stand.

 

“Let’s go get that cleaned up,” she chuckled.

 

Finn smiled back and followed her outside, pressing his hand against his head. “What was the dream about?” he asked.

 

Rey considered telling him for a while, but decided it would be a bad idea. She shrugged. “I don’t remember, honestly.”

 

“Huh,” Finn murmured. “Must have been nothing, then. We’ve been through hell lately, Rey, I don’t blame you for having nightmares.”

 

She stayed quiet as they walked into the clinic.

 

Neither of them found sleep.

 

Rey had her reasons, but Finn apparently accepted a dare from his new pilot friends to drink a new beverage they had smuggled over from an outer rim cantina, and now he couldn’t stop hiccuping.

 

They were alone in the food court, except for a couple other insomniacs and workaholics who couldn’t find sleep either. However, each person decided to sit as far away from each other, and Finn and Rey chose the table nearest to the window so they could look at the stars.

 

Finn had been learning to play Pazaak from Poe and now was teaching Rey. She was glad for the distraction; Pazaak required some thought and mathematics, and there was nothing better than arithmetic to distract Rey from her thoughts.

 

She was about to lay down another card before the whir of an incoming ship pulled away their attention. Finn pointed out Leia from the viewport and commented that he had forgotten she had been off-world for a meeting. Rey’s heart beat quickly at the sight of Leia, and she looked at Finn with more lament than ever. He was quick to notice the look on her face and his eyebrows knitted together in worry.

 

“I’m serious, Rey, what’s going on?” he asked.

 

Rey let out a defeated sigh and set her cards down.

 

“…I’m leaving, Finn. To Coruscant with Leia. She offered to give me an apprenticeship as a Senator.”

 

“…Oh…” Finn replied softly, his heartbreak audible in his voice.

 

They stared down at the table for a long pause.

 

“When do you leave?” he asked after a while.

 

“Likely tomorrow, now that Leia is back,” she said.

 

Finn nodded, solemn for another long pause. Then, he softly smiled.

 

“I can’t imagine you in a dress, Rey.”

 

Rey smiled too and slowly started to laugh. She shook her head.

 

“I can’t either.”

* * *

 

A New Republic cruiser floated above the atmosphere of Dantooine. It was where Rey and Leia would be taken back to Coruscant, along with various other politicians that were on board.

 

Leia had at most five crates all filled with her clothing lifted into the cargo hold of the Empress. She stood outside the ship, watching as the droids lifted the crates onto the ships and refilled the fuel and oxygen tanks.

 

Rey emerged from the inside, accompanied by a glassy-eyed Finn and his friend Poe Dameron. She confessed that she was nervous, more nervous than she had ever been in her life.

 

Leia had told Rey the night of her arrival that they’d leave in three days. It gave Rey and Finn a few more days to spend together. She had played Pazaak against Poe and the other pilots. Lost and gained credits, got drunk and vomited all over the refresher in the morning, much to the chagrin of the sanitary droids, but it wasn’t until that last night on Dantooine that the weight of Rey’s future finally hit her hard.

 

She had cried into Finn’s shoulder until she fell asleep. When she awoke, her chrono pinging at her set alarm, she felt a rush of fresh tears again, and cried once again as she showered and dressed. Once she met up with Finn, she had to bite her tongue to keep herself from crying anymore, because she knew that he was likely taking it a lot worse than she was.

 

The last crate had been stored onto the Empress when the small group met up with Leia. She turned to Rey with a sympathetic smile, aware of how much Rey’s friends were going to miss her, and she them.

 

“Whenever you’re ready, Rey,” Leia said. “I’ll be in the cockpit.”

 

With a respectful nod and grin towards Finn and Poe, Leia boarded the Empress followed by C-3PO and R2-D2.

 

Rey painfully turned towards Finn and Poe, who both threw themselves against her in the tightest hug she had ever received in her life. She burst into tears, then and Finn’s voice cracked as her cried, “No, Rey, stop!”

 

They began to laugh and cry at the same time. “I’m sorry, I can’t help it!” she said, smiling despite the tightness in her throat.

 

Poe approached her and slipped something in her hands. “You’re still a rookie, but you play a mean game, Rey. These cards have gotten me out of more sticky situations than you can imagine. You’ll never lose a game again, so long as you have these.”

 

Rey looked down at the deck of Pazaak cards Poe had gifted her and tearfully thanked him, hugging him once more. Poe told Finn he’d wait inside, patted his back, and turned the other way, waving one last time towards Rey.

 

A tear slid down Finn’s cheek and he gripped Rey’s shoulder. “ _Promise me_ , Rey. Promise me that I’ll see you again.”

 

Rey let out a small laugh. “I’ll try not to die of suffocation by all the dresses.”

 

A grin cracked on his face. “I’m serious Rey, I’ve seen the fashion on Coruscant, you have to be the bravest of warriors to wear that nonsense.”

 

They both laughed again and Rey nodded. “I promise Finn. You’ll see me again.”

 

Finn tapped his comlink. “Every night.”

 

Rey nodded, waving her own comlink in the air. “Every night.”

 

When she turned, she never looked back.

 

Rey walked up the ramp, suddenly with a burst of confidence. As she passed by the living area, she glanced at the space Kylo Ren had sat and somehow that helped. She nodded, assuring to herself that everything would turn out better than she had expected.  


This was only the beginning. 


	5. Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> thank you reylo chat for giving me the inspiration to continue this

_**T** he hologram was large enough_ to show the entire Senate. Cha Niathal, the temporarily elected Chancellor, stood at podium, speaking about the problems that needed to be addressed in each candidate’s speech. Although the projection was large, Rey and Leia’s faces were but a small speck of pixels, lost in a sea of the many other members.

 

Kylo Ren watched the entire thing in the comfort of his chair aboard the Finalizer. General Hux was standing off at a far corner, speaking with some officers and Ren was to alert him when it was Rey’s turn to speak, on behalf of the Resistance. To everyone else, he was only snooping on their public movements; to Kylo Ren, it was personal.

 

It would be her first time speaking and she had personally requested that Ren watched. They had discussed her script and her influence on what the Senate was to think on the First Order. She was afraid, a feeling Ren knew he could use to their advantage, and he had guided her through that emotion to turn it into something better: advantage. He would teach her to use fear to make her even more powerful, in a later future... but for now...

 

 _Do you remember what we discussed_? He wished he could see her face as she tried to hide the shock of the sudden voice in her mind, but her cluster of pixels in the hologram hardly moved.

 

 _Yes_ , she replied. _Although I’m not sure Leia will like it_.

 

_That’s because Leia doesn’t understand the First Order._

 

Kylo had to steel himself against the mention of his mother. Although his own thoughts had bled into Rey’s mind, her compassion for Leia had bled into his as well. The maternal love Rey was beginning to feel wasn’t new to Kylo Ren, but it was an aching reminder of what he once felt with Leia Organa Solo. He allowed Rey's attachment to happen, however, because he knew Rey had never experienced love and guidance.  


If there was someone he’d allow to give her that, it would be Leia.

 

_Your goal is to bring the First Order and the New Republic to an eventual compromise. If Leia doesn’t want peace, then who is the real obstacle between balance?_

 

 _...I understand_ , Rey replied after a long pause.

 

He could feel her nervousness from their bond and he began to grow anxious for her as well.

 

Fortunately, the Resistance was one of the more important committees that were part of the Senate and Ren only had to sit through four speeches before the attention turned to Rey. Their anxiety surged, his in his chest, hers in her stomach, as the holo panned onto her face.

 

“Hux,” Ren called. “It’s time.”

 

General Hux, along with many other officers, surrounded the projection and watched as Rey stood up.

 

Her name, her _false_ name, suddenly flashed underneath her: _Senator Natalya Eveske, Representative of the Resistance_.

 

As she stood up, Kylo Ren remembered he never grew accustomed to the polished woman his mother had turned Rey into. She had grown into her body, still slender, but she no longer looked starved. The dress she wore for the occasion was white, at least, it _looked_ white from the limited amount of colors a hologram could show, and featured a heart-shaped neckline that exposed a generous amount of her collarbone. A white cape draped over her shoulders and cuffed around her elbows so she could move her hands. Her hair had grown and was styled into a one-sided bob that framed her contoured face.

 

Kylo Ren was... _impressed_ , or at least he told himself that to avoid realizing that he found her attractive. He couldn’t stop staring at her eyes, her lips, and the way they curled up into a polite smile as she spoke in her Coruscanti-like accent.

 

“...The Resistance has been working diligently for the past two years, trying to track down the hiding spaces of the First Order.”

 

Hux snorted. “They’ve found some of our scouting bases, she shouldn’t look so proud.”

 

“...one of our most trusted allies has confirmed the location of one of their bases on Daimar...”

 

That, Ren thought, might have been his fault. He had shown a bit too much during one of their usual conversations. Since Rey was stuck on Coruscant, unless Leia took her to off-world meetings, she adored seeing the planets Kylo Ren visited. Especially if they were forested. Fortunately, he had had Daimar base evacuated and rotated weeks ago. Rey was retelling old information, and they both knew it.

 

“...we’ve concluded that the First Order has not yet posed any threat, or will continue to do so.”

 

Ren was glad everyone could not see the look on his face, because he couldn’t help the proud smile that spread on his lips. It was a small step they had taken, but one that would eventually leap into something much, _much_ larger. As of now, Rey was tasked with taming the flames everyone felt towards the First Order.

 

Hux’s action of destroying an entire system had added a wrinkle―a very jagged, burnt, gruesome wrinkle, to be specific―to any future relations with the New Republic. Kylo Ren had no say in that and he made sure Rey knew. Most of what the First Order did was really in Snoke and Hux’s hands, but that would change soon enough.

* * *

 

 

Rey arrived home, accompanied by R2-D2, to find Leia finally awake. She still looked tired and pale, but was eating at last. A shut off holopad sat at the edge of the table.

 

“You did well,” she told Rey warmly.

 

“Thank you,” Rey responded as she removed her cape.

 

She walked over to Leia and pressed her hands to Leia’s cheeks. She wasn’t warm anymore.

 

“Did the medic come see you?”

 

“He did,” Leia nodded solemnly. She tapped her cup for a moment, looking down at the table as her eyebrows furrowed. “Quannot’s Syndrome.”

 

“Oh.”

 

The reason why Rey had spoke publicly for the first time was mostly due to Leia’s recent failing health. They shrugged it off as a temporary bug for a few weeks, upon the insistence of Leia, until she had nearly collapsed one morning. Coughing turned into violent fits that always ended up with a bloodied handkerchief. Loss of appetite turned into no eating at all, to the point Leia only drank herbal mixes for sustenance. By the time Leia agreed to get help, she was bed-ridden.

 

“Stomach is infected, won’t be too long until it's everything else below,” Leia continued.

 

“There has to be some sort of cure,” Rey said. “Something we could do.”

 

“There’s medicine to help with the pain, surgeries to give me more time, but we can’t avoid the inevitable...” she said, ending her statement with a sigh. “I’ll be dead before those damn knuckleheads can make up their minds over what to eat for dinner; disbanding the First Order won’t happen in my lifetime, I’m afraid.” She paused, staring down at her weathered hands. “I need to see him, Rey. To hell with the pain, I won’t die until I do.”

 

Rey felt a pressure on her chest as the guilt seeped in and she played with the idea of telling Kylo Ren of his mother’s condition. If he won’t turn back to the light, he at least could come see her... just once.

 

She sat down in front of Leia. “I will do everything I can to help,” Rey said sincerely.

 

Leia nodded and smiled as her eyes turned glassy. “I know. Thank you, Rey.”

* * *

 

 

 _Absolutely not,_ Ren boomed. _As sorry as I am, I will not risk everything for a meeting that may turn out to be a trap._

 

 _You don’t trust me?_ Rey asked.

 

 _I don’t trust her_.

 

The pain and guilt that radiated from his side told Rey otherwise. She persisted.

 

 _Kylo, she’s not lying. I saw it happen, I saw her nearly fall down. This isn’t something easy to pull off, and I feel like Leia would come up with something different if she did want to set up a trap_ . _She doesn’t know about... us...so why would she know to use me to persuade you?_

 

 _...Because you already are persuading me_.

 

Rey couldn’t help the smile that spread on her face, and she knew he felt it.

 

_Stop that._

 

 _We do it all the time, Ren. If you can meet me, then you can make an exception to your ailing mother_.

 

 _I do it with you, Rey, because I know you won’t try to stab me in the back_ . _But even if I agree, how would you explain setting up the whole meeting in the first place?_

 

_Because I won’t set it up. You will. You have as much capability of communicating with your mother through the force as you do with me._

 

There was a sudden change in Kylo Ren’s thoughts. A snap that brought them back to stage one.

 

 _I will contact her through a private commchannel. I’m sorry Rey, but even this isn’t important enough for me to risk the First Order_.

 

Rey sighed and pressed her palms against her forehead as she let herself sink deeper into her bed sheets. Rolling to the side and taking a corner of the cover with her, she curled up into a ball.

 

 _Fine_ , she finally agreed.

 

_Can we drop the subject now?_

 

_...Yes._

 

 _Good._ He paused for a moment. _How are you?_

 

She began to fiddle with the small crevices of the stitches in her bed. _Tired, worried._ _The senators are acting like a bunch of children fighting over a toy. Leia and I are growing tired of acting as mediators. It’s all just been going in circles_.

 

Ren laughed a little. _I can sense you desire to speak what you have to say. To put them all in their place_.

 

 _If I had that sort of power, I would dismiss them all and recreate the Senate from scratch,_ she commented.

 

 _Maybe you can_ , Ren blankly mused.

 

Rey smiled at the thought. _Maybe I will_.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> [Rey's Dress](https://s-media-cache-ak0.pinimg.com/736x/db/06/4c/db064c9cb236bc2a28c2f8ba87a356b4.jpg)


	6. Chapter 6

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> bless wookiepedia for its full list of senators

_**K** ylo Ren put up _no fight against the New Republic soldiers as they came to take him away. In fact, he relied on them to keep himself from falling.

 

Finn and Leia watched as his black robes moved around the open areas of his wounds, allowing them to see the charred skin that lay beneath. His left arm, from elbow down, was gone, and Leia noticed that his eyes were a lighter brown than usual.

 

Ren was given intensive bacta treatment, had his wounds closed and all broken bones reconstructed. He was even given a new mechanical arm and although his body proved stable and responsive, he was unable to speak and drifted in and out of consciousness.

 

Leia tried. An official interrogator tried. No one could get a word out of him, not because he didn’t want to, but because even when he was awake...he wasn’t there. It was not unusual for him to wake from fits of nightmares, often calling out Rey’s name. He’d awaken and find himself alone or in the company of his mother, and he’d return to sleep.

 

Leia’s hatred for the man who had stolen her son and killed her husband grew into worry over the time. It was driving her crazy that Ren hadn’t responded, to the point she finally gave in.

 

Everyone agreed Rey and Ren had an incredible bond. If there was someone who could rouse Kylo Ren, it would be Rey.

 

For the first time in weeks, Leia came to visit Rey.

 

“Leave us,” Leia ordered the guards who were positioned inside the room.

 

She walked towards the kneeled figure that sat in front of the window. It was night then, and the neon lights of Coruscant reflected on Rey’s peaceful face. Her hands were carefully placed on her belly. Leia noticed that Rey had finally cleaned up, and now resembled a shadow of her past, powerful self.

 

When the lights came on, Rey’s eyes slowly opened and she turned to find Leia at the door. Her eyebrows rose in meek surprise but she offered a warm smile.

 

“A welcome surprise,” she murmured.

 

Rey stood up, using the wall to support herself and walked over to the nearest chair. Leia followed her and pulled up the chair adjacent to Rey’s.

 

“We need to talk, Rey,” Leia stated, although for once, not in her usual authoritative tone. This was a more personal visit.

 

“Whatever you need,” Rey replied.

 

Despite the fact it was helpful, Leia didn’t trust Rey’s “say all” attitude. She didn’t understand why she had no fight left in her, why she was being so complacent despite their opposing sides. It only made Leia want to be more careful.

 

“A man stumbled upon us two weeks ago. He was severely wounded, missing part of his left arm, and so far remains unresponsive. No one can make him speak. I need to know, Rey...is that man Kylo Ren, or Ben Solo?”

 

Rey’s face scrunched up just a little as she began to ponder on the question. She rubbed her hands on her thighs and with a small nod, had an answer.

 

“It depends on who he’s with. He refrains from allowing anyone calling him Ben, but in his vulnerable moments, allowed me to call him that, sometimes even requested it. He said he found it comforting. It’s when he’s angry that ‘Ben’ is to be avoided.”

 

“Is he angry now?”

 

Rey had analyzed his unconscious state through the bond a thousand times. She didn’t know what information he held yet, because she couldn’t look into his unconscious mind, but she could feel his emotions. She compared them to cooled lava; safe to tread on, but always running the risk of breaking into searing heat.

 

“No,” Rey assured. “Not really.”

 

Leia nodded and let out a sigh as she leaned on her palm. Her eyes gazed downwards at the way Rey’s dress crumpled between her breasts and belly.

 

“Are you married?” she asked.

 

Rey shook her head. “We decided not to.”

 

“And you still conceived a child...” Leia muttered.

 

“We didn’t plan to,” Rey said with an innocent shrug. “It was a surprise for us both, but we understood it must have happened for a reason.” She paused, looking down at the swell and running a hand over it. “It was because of them that we allowed this to happen. We were forced to choose between having them killed, or having the First Order destroyed. Ben and I didn’t have to think twice.”

  
Leia mouth fell agape. Not only at Rey’s confession as to what really led to the destruction of the First Order, but at the word _them_.

 

“ _Them_?”

 

“Them,” Rey repeated nodded. “Twins...” She lightly chuckled. “Eerie, isn’t it? Like history is rewriting itself.”

* * *

 

It was no lie that Rey anticipated every meeting with Kylo Ren. She always arrived early to their selected place even though she knew he would always arrive late.

 

This time, he had chosen Makeb, an old mining planet that the First Order apparently managed to set up a base at. It was all underground however, because the damage that the Empire had done decades ago turned the planet inhospitable, and for good reason. There was little to no life, all replaced by incredible mountains and jagged rock formations created by the once massive earthquakes. It was difficult to find a place to land and tremors would always catch Rey by surprise.

 

Kylo Ren arrived a half hour after she did, and she noticed he hadn’t come from space.

 

He had stopped bothering using his mask around her. Sometimes he came in his usual dark robes, but there were rare occasions he donned something different. This was one of those times. Ren was sweating through his black sleeveless shirt that offered little to the imagination as to what lay beneath it. Rey found herself scanning each muscle, each curve and movement of his arms. A grey flight suit was tied around his waist, and his lightsaber hung loosely from his belt which was smugly askew.

 

As he ran his fingers through his hair, he _smiled_ at Rey and she felt like she had just witnessed something extraordinary. She had heard him laugh, scream, but the extent of their conversations were in his usual calm voice. Even his laughter was mellow. But the smile he had just gifted her with made her understand why Leia held onto the hope that deep inside, Ben Solo was still there.

 

“Is flying really that much of an exertion?” she teased.

 

“I was training before I came here,” he explained. “Sorry I’m late.”

 

“Training? With Snoke...?” she asked.

 

“No. He’s given me some time off, finally, to _reflect_ on what I should do next. The Knights and I were just dueling.”

 

Rey knew her questions about Snoke and Ren’s training were limited and stopped the conversation there. She pulled up her holopad as they found somewhere to sit underneath the Empress’s frame for shade.

 

“So it seems my mother’s fashion sense rubbed off on you,” he commented, glancing up and down at Rey. “I half expected you to come in rags and three buns.”

 

Rey looked down at her flight suit, adorned with a golden-plated belt, and beige coat. She realized she never put any thought into what she wore; Rey just mindlessly grabbed garments from her wardrobe and put them on. And since Rey had no need for practicality on Coruscant, wearing her hair tied up seemed redundant, although she did learn some lovely updos from Leia.

 

“Oh,” she muttered as she looked back up at him. With a small shrug, she agreed. “I suppose it has.”

 

They sat down on the rocks and Ren waited as she sifted through her holopad. When she was read, Rey extended her arm to show Ren four names. They each came with a picture and a brief overview of their stats.

 

“These are the four top candidates in the election as of now. Omas and Dravvad are completely against the First Order.” She pointed at Cal Omas and Chelch Dravvad and then slid her finger to the candidate to the top left. “Ph’Olla doesn’t believe you pose a threat, since Starkiller base is now destroyed. And...” she pointed to the remaining candidate. “Treen is actually willing to cooperate fully.”

 

“Haydnat Treen,” Kylo said as he recognized her. “She’s from Kuat, I’ve heard her name a few times.”

 

“I don’t agree with some of her policies, they seem...a bit _greedy_ , but if she’s willing to accept the First Order, I believe she’ll be the easiest to sway.”

 

“Who do you prefer?”

 

“Leia trusts Omas, and we’ve met more than once. His interests are solely in the well-being of the Galaxy, and those interests severely do not lie with any sort of relations with the First Order.”

 

 “People can be persuaded.”

Rey half smiled and shook her head. “No, I don’t think Omas would―”

 

Ren gently tipped up Rey’s chin, staring straight into her eyes. “People can be _persuaded_ ,” he repeated.

 

Her mouth parted in surprise as the realization hit her. “Are you suggesting I―”

 

“No one knows you’re Force Sensitive, and politicians have done far worse,” Kylo continued. “Wouldn’t you be doing the New Republic a service? Electing Omas at the next Chancellor?”

 

“If I get caught, I’ll be imprisoned,” Rey responded. “Maybe even executed.”

 

Kylo Ren shrugged and shook his head. “Don’t get caught.”

 

She narrowed her eyes and leaned back. “That’s easier said than done. How would I hide it from Leia? She knows Omas doesn’t support the First Order.”

 

“Do you _really_ think Leia would connect that sudden change in mind to you? I think you’ve more than proven your loyalty to her.”

 

Rey pursed her lips and thought about it. She would have to carefully craft her sentences in order to avoid suspicion and think of alternatives should she get caught.

 

“I will do what I can.” she said at last with a nod.

 

“I trust you will."

 

They stared at each other and a silent breeze flowed through their hair. She found herself looking at his lips and biting her own. There was something in the way he looked at her that managed to captivate her entirely. Breath had ceased to flow in her lungs as control over her thoughts and emotions started to betray her. Flashes of images, of _them_ together in such a way she only fantasied about, appeared in her mind; Rey swore she saw him move forward, but the ground caught them by surprise. She let out a small yelp as the tremor threw her onto her palms.

 

When the quake had ceased, she watched as Ren stood up and dusted off his knees.

 

“I should go,” he said, looking out into the horizon. “The Knights will be wondering where I went off to.”

 

“So soon?” Rey said weakly as she lifted herself to her feet. Her heart was racing, and she convinced herself it was because of the surprise the tremor had taken her, but knew it was one of the biggest lies she had told herself. The feeling she was starting to develop whenever she was with him was slowly revealing its true nature to her, and Rey was afraid of what it might make her do.

 

She sensed no such emotions on his part and felt disappointment prickle at her chest.

 

“We both have work to do, and the Knights will ask questions if I'm away too long,” he said. “But you know I’m never far.”

 

The way he had said that last part made her urges amplify, and she had to conjure up strength to stop herself from begging him not to go. He felt that as soon as her longing came forward and his eyes softened, but he said nothing to her. They stood in a silent exchange, and for a moment, Rey felt him about to open up a section of his thoughts that remained hidden to her. It was something important, something that radiated more dominance and fire than any other passion that seared in his mind. Ren quickly blocked it all off from her. He departed with one last long look, and Rey leaned onto her ship as she watched him go.

 

She always hated watching him leave.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> [Rey's Makeb Outfit inspired by this](https://s-media-cache-ak0.pinimg.com/736x/fd/90/1c/fd901c4699511a74d5f4a396d7a01e0e.jpg)
> 
>  
> 
>  
> 
> [Pha'Olla](http://starwars.wikia.com/wiki/Ph%27Olla)
> 
>  
> 
> [Chelch Dravvad](http://starwars.wikia.com/wiki/Chelch_Dravvad)
> 
>  
> 
> [Cal Omas](http://starwars.wikia.com/wiki/Cal_Omas)
> 
>  
> 
> [Makeb](http://starwars.wikia.com/wiki/Makeb)


	7. Chapter 7

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> have some angst

_**E** ven in the space Kylo Ren called_ his own, he knew he had no privacy. He could sense all of the audio trackers behind the walls and could point out every camera hidden “cleverly” among his furniture. 

 

It didn’t bother him. 

 

Up until he had met Rey, he had nothing to hide, and he had no trouble hiding her from the trackers and cameras because all of their conversations and meetings were mental or off-world. They would record him entering his bedchambers, dressing, undressing, sleeping, showering, eating; being as mundane as possible. If whoever kept track of him enjoyed watching Kylo Ren being a human being, then he put up quite the show for them.

 

It was the meditation room that Kylo Ren had completely cleansed. He didn’t need anyone to hear what he had to say or what he had to do. It was why he had chosen this room to contact his mother.

 

Ren pulled out the commlink from his pocket and started to type in the holofrequency code into his portable holoprojector. He had made sure to secure it, creating failsafe after failsafe, and had programmed it to cut off and delete the transmission as soon as anyone even neared the channel or tried to bypass it. No one could know what he was about to do.

 

He waited as the comm tried connecting with Leia’s personal code (which he grudgingly realized he had memorized) and watched the screen anxiously as it said ‘connecting’. Ren drew in his breath, unsure as to why he was feeling so nervous, so scared, to talk to his mother. He began to think about how stupid this was; how this was the sort of thing Snoke would have him exiled for. It was selfish, a waste of time and―

 

“Ben?”

 

Kylo Ren swallowed the lump that formed in his throat at the sound of his mother’s voice. He watched as her face flashed to life in the projection that hovered before him, and he realized with an incredible sadness that she looked old.  _ Too  _ old.

 

Last he had seen her, he had been ten and Leia was still a young woman. But even at Leia’s current age, she shouldn’t have looked as weathered and sickly as she did then. Rey was telling the truth.

 

“Leia...” he began, and his words caught in his throat as he realized they felt wrong. “ _ Mom _ .”

 

Leia brought her hand up to her mouth as her eyes turned glassy. She reached out to him, as if her love could travel a thousand systems just to caress his face. Kylo Ren steeled his emotions as they began to surface dangerously and he wished then he had put on his mask.

 

 

“Ben? Is it... really you?” she asked, her voice breaking.

 

His lips quivered and Ren had to swallow before being able to croak out some words.

 

“...In a certain way,” he replied. 

 

Her brows furrowed and suddenly her tears turned into a grimace. “Your damned...you... _ Han _ ,” she hissed.

 

Ren shut his eyes and looked down.

 

“It was...” he realized he couldn’t even bring himself to say it, the lie he had told himself whenever the memory of his father haunted him;  _ it was necessary _ .

 

“...Forgive me,” was all he managed to choke out.

 

“Ben, tell me please, where are you? I need you to come hom―”

 

His finger quickly pressed down on the power button, and Leia’s face disappeared, the word “home” yet lingering in the air as he crushed the commlink in his hand. 

 

Ben Solo didn’t have the strength to continue that conversation.

 

Ren was about to reach for his mask when he felt an unknown presence in the room.

 

“Put the mask down, Ben. You don’t need it.”

 

It was a voice Ren had  _ never _ heard, but one he knew he had been asking guidance from since he was a child. He dared to turn and look at the man whom he  idolized.

 

The look on Anakin’s face was not one of pride or appraisal. It was of regret and disappointment. Kylo Ren’s dignity shattered.

 

“Grandfather,” he said, noticing his voice quake. “I thought you would...how? Why now?”

 

Anakin crossed his arms, looking down at the mask Ren kept as a trophy, he winced. “I was too much of a coward to stop all of this at the root of the problem, but not anymore. I can’t stand by and watch you tear down the legacy I left behind.”

 

“You mean the Empire?”

 

“I mean the Skywalker family.” 

 

Ren balled his fists. “The Skywalkers are nothing but cowards who are afraid the Dark Side.”

 

Anakin took a few steps forward, his force-appearance fizzing momentarily as he did so.

 

“And for good reason. The Dark Side destroyed me. It killed my wife, and for the longest time, I believed it had killed my children as well. Even now, I cannot count how many lives I’ve taken, how many Jedi I have slaughtered. I despised myself every second for what I did.”

 

“You did it for your wife, it wasn’t your fault,” Ren argued. 

 

“It was, Ben, she and I knew it. Padme would haunt my dreams, if I could manage to have any. I paid the price for what I did to her, and even now, I cannot be with her. Turning away from her when she had begged me to come back will forever be the one thing I regret most. And I know what you regret most now. I know what you did to Han Solo, Ben, and I know why you did it. The Dark will not make you stronger. It will be your undoing, it will bring about pain and death to those you love, more than it already has, and when you want it all end, it will be too late.”

 

“I can break the cycle, I can become the most powerful Force user history has ever known,” Ren maniacally promised his ancestor as he pressed a hand to his chest. He fell to his knees. “Snoke is teaching me, but you can teach me  _ more _ .”

 

Anakin hardly blinked and his glare intensified. “Skywalkers have been puppets to the Dark Side for too long, Ben. Break the cycle of enslavement to the Dark Side. This is not your destiny.  _ Go home _ .”

 

Ren stepped towards his grandfather but Anakin disappeared into the air. He fell forward onto his palms with a grunt. He blinked and the room was pitch black, silent and cold. Ben scrambled back as dozens of ghosts appeared before him. Names he had only heard mentioned suddenly clicked in his mind with the figure’s faces as they each materialized before him. Ghosts of past lives, of past stories, replayed before him, relaying to him every emotion, every injury, that the Force had carried through time. 

 

The blackness turned into heat, coming from the magma that surrounded them. Mustafar’s volcanic surface warmed the metal walkways that he stood upon.

 

“Stop...Stop, come back! I love you!” Padme pleaded as she took a few tentative steps forward. Her face was knitted into one of horror as she looked at her husband. 

 

“Liar!” Anakin’s roar echoed before they both disintegrated into darkness once more.

 

Ben was standing on a cliff created of cooled rock. Beside him was a Jedi, Obi-Wan, wearing the same expression Padme had had. 

 

“You were supposed to bring balance to the Force, not leave it in darkness!” Obi-wan cried, the heat of Mustafar searing around him. 

 

Anakin was dragging himself, with what limbs he had left, towards Obi-Wan. His eyes were golden and full of a hatred that Kylo Ren couldn’t even imagine to reach. Anakin was covered in flames and his skin melted off his face as he screamed, “ _ I HATE YOU.” _

 

Ben blinked and the scene changed again. They were in a medical bay, and a medical droid hovered above Padme, already in labor.

 

Padme begged for help, her screams tearing at Ren’s heart. She was silenced when a cry pierced the air and two infants were brought forward. Luke and Leia, Ben thought in awe. This was their birth. Obi-Wan’s hands were stained with blood. 

 

“There’s still good in him,” Padme hardly breathed out to Obi-Wan.

 

Then there was a bridge. A forest with large towering trees. Endor. Luke Skywalker was there, now as an adult, with Darth Vader.

 

“I know there is still good in you, the Emperor hasn’t driven it from you fully,” Luke told his father.

 

 Suddenly, an apartment on Coruscant. The smell of Alderaanian bread coming from the kitchen. Han was watching a holovid as he talked with Chewbacca. A young boy with a full head of black hair sat at the table, a holobook of the Empire’s history lay before him.

 

Leia came and neared a plate of the Alderaanian bread for her son. She kissed his forehead.

 

“My sweet boy.”

 

Ren felt the warmth of her embrace. The taste of the bread. He remembered the smell of his father’s jacket and the strange, metallic odor of the Millennium Falcon. He saw himself being dragged away by Luke, his tiny hands outstretched towards his parents as he begged not to be taken away for training.

 

A ship departed from Coruscant and landed on D’Qar. 

 

“There is still Light in him,” Leia said as she pressed her head against her husband’s chest. “If you see our son...Bring him home.”

 

The room went dark again, except for a single stream of light that came from a small window to the outside of Starkiller base. 

 

“Come home, Ben,” Han said before Ren’s lightsaber had impaled him.  Ben could still feel as Han’s fingertips ghosted over his cheek just before he fell. He stepped forward, out of Kylo Ren’s frozen figure to try and pull Han forward, but Han fell right through his arms and into the abyss.

 

That had been enough. 

 

Kylo Ren activated his lightsaber and swung at the ghosts. He lost himself in a fit a fury, slashing away at the meditation room and cracking the glass that surrounded him. The darkness only seemed to suffocate him even more and he stopped to breathe. He looked around at the new wreckage he had created. What was once a place of solace and bliss was now another haunting memory of his past. Vader’s mask lay nearly disintegrated as it sat by a sizzling orange streak created by Ren’s lightsaber.

 

* * *

 

Rey awakened from a nightmare. She had been guided through some sort of timeline, one that made too much sense. It had nothing to do with herself, not really, and it didn’t take too long for her to connect the dots. She had seen a very young Ben Solo, first with his family, then as he was taken away from his parents to train. The tears that streamed down his face and his pleas to let him stay felt all too real, all too similar to the day Rey had been abandoned on Jakku.

 

She slid out of bed, too shaken to lull herself back to sleep.

 

_ Ren...?  _ she called. Rey tried three times, letting minutes pass by. 

 

She felt him consider talking to her but then that tentation ended abruptly. Ren had blocked her from his mind and now she couldn’t help but worry.

When she stepped out to get water, something else caught her attention. 

 

There was a small voice that she hardly picked up. If it were not for the massive, empty apartment and it’s incredible ability to echo, Rey wouldn’t have heard anything. She followed the noise to Leia’s bedroom. 

 

A small light came from inside and soft cries, muffled from behind the door, were definately coming from Leia herself. Rey’s heart shattered as she understood why this was all happening and why she had gotten that nightmare. Ren’s sudden horrible feeling and Leia’s emotional response had fit together like a puzzle.

 

Rey’s hand hovered over Leia’s door, about to knock, but she hesitated and slowly stepped back. She went back into the kitchen, drank her water, and returned to her own room.

 

Leia had made no comment on what had happened, and the following morning, she had acted as if all were ordinary. Rey decided to leave it at peace, and would ask questions when Ren was ready to talk about it.

 

It was two weeks before Kylo Ren decided to contact Rey again. Much to Rey’s relief, too. She had started to think he was angry, or had decided to leave her once and for all. She had already been playing with the idea of going out and searching for him.

 

She was elated to feel him open up their bond again.

 

Rey and Leia were on their way to a meeting. Another one of Omas’s campaign meetings. During the time apart from Ren, Rey had kept in mind what he’d asked her to do, but she couldn’t find the right opportunity to do it safely. Omas was a man not easily left alone, and when she did have private moments with him, Leia was not far. She talked to his allies and gathered their thoughts on the First Order. They all had prestigious names and titles, so Rey thought that every person counted. Little by little, Rey shaped their thoughts and had begun to make them question all they had been told about the New Republic and the First Order. 

 

She was more than excited to tell Ren all about her small successes.

 

_ Kylo... _ Rey greeted happily. A smile spread on her lips as she watched the buildings of Coruscant speed by.  

 

_ When you return to your apartment, check inside the wardrobe _ , was the first thing he told her.

 

_ Why? _

 

_ There’s something I need you to do _ . 

 

That was all she could get out of him for the rest of the day. The meeting was not as fruitful that night either, as Omas wasn’t even there that day. Only his secretary and his wife had been there. Rey had tried talking to her, but Mrs. Omas was a proud woman and kept their conversations short. Rey had been more than ready to go home by the end of the day.

 

She nearly ran inside her room, half-expecting to see Kylo sitting on her bed or on one of the chairs. Her bedroom turned out empty and she felt a tinge of disappointment. Nevertheless, she followed his instructions and checked the wardrobe.

 

Everything seemed to be in order at first, but then she found a box with a neat ribbon and a note sitting at the base.

 

_ Galaxies Opera House. tomorrow at midnight. You’ll find me in private box four _ .

 

Rey gasped at what was inside.


	8. Chapter 8

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> wooo its been a while i am so sorry, I'm just very busy with school and life ): plus i've been working religiously on my novel, and it's taken a lot of my time. I've recently caught up on my reylo fan fics and dusted off my memory, and well here it is!

_**S** howers were a delicacy_ on Jakku, and to Rey, a luxury she could only dream about ever using. She was lucky if she got leftover water from the feeders. But usually, it was sand or the less harmful detergents she used to clean her metal scraps. Scavengers didn’t mind body odor and neither did Rey. Still, she dreamed of what an actual shower felt like as a child and wondered if she would ever be truly clean.

 

Now, Rey had a refresher with not only a shower, but a luxurious tub that produced propelled bubbles, steam and a soft floral aroma. She had an entire room filled with her own clothing, all professionally washed and arranged. Food was only a short walk away, no longer needed to be fought for and actually  held nutritional value. The soles of her feet had smoothed over the visits to the spa and although her hands remained relatively rough, scarred by years of scavenging and fighting, the treatments Leia had lended her had helped return some of their natural softness.

 

She half expected to wake up from a dream one morning and be back in her AT-AT home, sleeping in the same makeshift bed, covered only by her soiled clothes. 

 

As she padded out of her shower, wringing the excess water from her hair, Rey remembered all the opportunities she had let pass by because she was so afraid of leaving. Had she not been such a coward, she could have been a smuggler, a pilot, a soldier, a mercenary and an apprentice to a archivist. Rey had turned them all down, despite their promises of a better life. All those kind people had seen talent in Rey, but all she cared about was the family that would never return for her. She had been comfortable with her cruel, stunted life―now, as she looked at herself in the mirror, she pitied her younger self for ever thinking that way.

 

Rey rubbed perfume onto her wrists and her neck, a daily ritual she now thought little of. She passed her manicured nail under her eye, correcting a small smudge of makeup that managed to crinkle under her lid. Twirling one last time in the mirror and being satisfied by her appearance, she walked out into the living room.

 

Leia was there, sipping some of her supplementary herbal tea as Rey passed by dressed like the Queen of Naboo. The General raised an impressed eyebrow.

 

“Did we have a party I forgot about?” she asked.

 

Rey smiled at Leia and walked over to give her a quick embrace. “I’m going out tonight to the Opera. Gentleman I met, thought I’d give him a go.”

 

“Look at you... Who is he? I’d love to meet him.”

Rey tensed and thought back to the thousands of names she had heard on Jakku. “Donimm Berpoll,” she responded. “Bartender at one of the local bars, I forgot which.”

 

“You met... a bartender?”

 

“Long story,” Rey said nervously. “If it works out, I’ll tell you.” She turned quickly before Leia could question her further and hoped that the lie had worked.

 

“Rey,” Leia called.

 

She froze, trying not to show her tense reaction and faked a smile as she turned. “Yes?”

 

Leia’s face was almost as serious as it got when she was commanding the Resistance. Rey thought then that she would have to find another way to escape and get to Kylo before it was too late. She began to think of ideas of ways she could disable the security system and sneak past Leia without her noticing. There was also the matter of the droids, who were always vigilant abou―

 

“You did get that contraceptive chip implanted, right?”

 

Rey’s mouth fell open and she almost dropped her bag. Her smile faltered as a genuine one spread across her lips. “Yes,” she recalled. “I did.”

 

Leia nodded and took a sip of her tea. “Don’t come back too late. I’ll worry.”

* * *

Rey’s hands were nervous as she inserted the ignition key. She had driven the speeder hundreds of times before, but that night felt different. It was late, she was late, and the realization that she was about to meet Kylo Ren in public hit her at the worst time.

 

Her mind began to worry about hundreds of things. Their safety, their privacy, their conversation. Would they have enough privacy? She began to think she was wearing too much, and then that she looked too plain. She thought about Leia and how she might have caught Rey lying. What if it all went wrong? What if Kylo had been caught the moment he stepped off his speeder? What if he got arrested? What if  _ she _ got arrested?

 

As the Galaxies Opera House neared, Rey’s stomach twisted into a tighter knot. She noticed the people already piling inside, likely the last stragglers who lingered before actually going to watch the performance.

 

She reached out to him, trying to find him among all those walking up the steps. He was lost in a sea of people, Coruscant being too densely populated for her to get a good hold on his Force signature.

 

As she lowered her speeder onto the landing bay and pulled out the ignition key, Rey had to breathe out. She dug into her handbag deliberately, pulling out a mirror and fixing the hairs out of place. After adding one more layer of color to her lips, she shut the mirror and stepped out of the speeder.

 

When she exited the empty landing bay, she walked into a crowded area in front of the entrance. Rey looked at each of their faces, realizing she looked lost and out of place. Some glanced back, giving her a once over before rolling their eyes and returning their attention to their groups. For a moment, she thought she shouldn’t have been there, that this was all a mistake. Rey still couldn’t find Kylo Ren  _ anywhere _ and she was starting to panic.

 

Rey stood still as she concentrated her thoughts and scanned the area. She took momentary notice of the Galaxies Opera House’s structure, of the flashing lights and the blue night sky bare of any stars because of the amount of light polluting the atmosphere.  She took in the noises, the announcements, the banners of the New Republic lightly flowing in the wind. Her eyes panned down from the white-orange flags, to the crimson red carpet, and then she saw him.

 

Kylo Ren did not have his mask on, nor his robes, nor his usual stone face. He was looking up at something in the sky, the lights from the opera house illuminating a side of his face in white. Ren wore a dark grey suit of velvoid and a leather belt across his waist. Draped over his shoulders was a satyn red scarf, perhaps the only reminder on him that he belonged to the First Order.

 

She took a tentative step towards him and he turned to meet her eyes. Ren’s lips parted in badly-hidden shock for a brief moment before he regained his demeanor and smiled. Turning his body towards her, his eyes scanned her from head to toe with delicious intensity and she felt her legs tremble.

 

They met halfway and it wasn’t too long before they realized they were speechless. It gave them time to drink each other in.

 

“You wore the dress,” he said softly as he lifted the elegant necklace included in his gift.

 

“Not particularly in my comfort zone,” she said as she looked down at the triangular window between her breasts. “But I appreciate the gesture.”

 

Ren smiled and he offered his arm, which Rey took.  Just as he had promised, they had a box all to themselves. They would be watching a performer sing that night, but something told Rey they wouldn’t be paying attention.

 

“Have you ever attended one of these?” he asked her.

 

Rey nodded. “A couple times in the past, but I was always with Leia.”

 

“I’m surprised she allowed you to come alone.”

 

She giggled. “She thinks I’m with a bartender at the moment.”

 

Ren snorted and leaned forward, resting his chin atop his folded hands. “I’m sorry I haven’t been communicating with you lately. Things have gotten...complicated.”

 

She resisted the urge to reach out to him. The look on his face spoke of troubles beyond the First Order, troubles that were blocked from her. “So you did come to talk."

 

He nodded and smiled apologetically as he looked down at the twi’lek beginning her performance. “Unless you were excited about the opera?”

 

Rey looked down at the stage and decided that if she paid attention, she’d be asleep in less than an hour. She shook her head. “Not at all. What was on your mind?”

 

Kylo ran his fingers through his near hair, causing it to become messy, but oddly endearing. He let out a small huff of air as he did so. “Everything...Some time ago, I had a vision...no...I was visited. I was visited by the past.”

 

“Han Solo?” Rey asked with a small gasp.

 

He shook his head. “Anakin Skywalker.”

 

Rey’s eyes widened with genuine shock. “Oh,” was all she managed to reply.

 

“He tried to warn me, told me what I was doing was wrong, but I’m not the one who is wrong Rey.” Kylo looked around to check for ears, as if they weren’t the only ones inside the room. What he was about to say made him visibly uncomfortable, almost as if it burned to say it. “It’s Snoke.”

 

She couldn’t help but smile at that and she knew he hated it. His eyebrows deepened. “That doesn’t mean I’m going to leave the First Order.”

 

“Then?”

 

"Snoke and I...I trusted him. He is a brilliant strategist, he knows more that I can ever possibly hope to understand...but he is weak. Physically weak, and so he trains others. He trained me to act as his sword and shield. I left my family, my life, my friends, I left it all for this man because I wanted what he offered me. I was promised power and satisfaction, and all I've gotten is..." He sighed. "After what my grandfather told me...I realized that he would never allow me to..." he paused. "He's holding me back, purposefully, because he's afraid of _me_. Snoke isn't the man I thought him to be. He's a waste of time, and one day, I'll be as disposable to him as the stormtroopers he steals from cradles. That is why..." He took her hand in his, brushing his gloved thumb over her knuckles. “I have a proposal for you.”

 

Rey nodded, feeling her heartbeat quicken as the feel of his hand around hers, of his face so close to hers, of the intensity in his gaze as he said this. She felt her head spin and she wondered for a moment if it was visible through her expression. “Yes?”

 

“Long ago, you asked me to come find you, to show you how to control your powers. I promised you that one day I’d show you the power of the Dark Side," his hands tightened around hers. "Rey...join me, let me train you, let me bring you up so that we can kill Snoke and control the First Order ourselves. We will rebuild this galaxy as we see fit.”

 

Just then, the audience down below began to cheer as the performer finished her first song. A bright assortment of lights colored their faces in white and red and blue, until they darkened and left only glittering stars. When the room became completely dark, she felt Kylo Ren brush his hand against her cheek and gently pull her in. She nodded and whispered, “Yes.” 

 

And they kissed.


End file.
